living in the gap
Nothing to hold on to. A shifting world, rapid and deep. Yes, streams of reaction, panic. Yes, invitations to show up. On the edge of everything: Tributary flows into love and leadership.
First, how to take care of our own anxiety.
Feeling anxiety is primal, human. Yet something else might be surfacing. An evolutionary path emergent. It's up to us to do something different than primal responding. Stepping in the gap of not-knowing wholeheartedly. Even if the gap feels like an abyss. This beauty.
Equation 1: Anxiety = uncertainty + powerlessness.
In the gap: Uncertainty dwells here as a given. Living becomes an active, activating present with wonder and choice. Each choice, by its nature, rises from power within, affecting the equation. Even the smallest choice, deep breath: I can do that.
Parker J. Palmer speaks of the tragic gap. "...between the hard realities around us and what we know is possible — not because we wish it were so, but because we’ve seen it.” Greed all around us, but also generosity. Familiar doctrines of radical individualism that say ‘Everyone for themselves,’ but also people coming together (even if not physically). When in the gap, Palmer says, the temptation is to jump onto one side or the other. But the side of too much reality risks cynicism. Too much possibility risks idealism. In the gap is where I make a difference.
Equation 2: Despair = Suffering – Meaning
In the gap: Suffering dwells here as a given: We don't like uncertainty. Totally human: We might as well embrace it. No solid ground. Thus, living becomes an invitation into meaning. I can increase meaning, affect the equation. Choice again. When it hurts, to ask, what's the gift, how can I step beyond myself into generosity.
Chip Conley calls this his emotional boot camp. "The way I created meaning from a challenging situation was to imagine what emotional muscles I was training – whether it’s resiliency, humility, compassion, or courage."
To accept (be in love with?) reality. An invitation to co-create new meaning. To be in love with what's possible. To flourish in this space. Now is our chance. June Jordan: "We are the ones we have been waiting for."
And for the research:
The equations are from the book Emotional Equations by Chip Conley. Here is an interview with him and and the author Dan Pink. It includes a third equation, concerning happiness.
A note about reassurance: It's something we all love to offer others. Nice words ("Oh, don't worry, it won't be so bad." Or, "It will pass."). Well meant. But for many they aren't going to help right now. Not really. Even if true. Reassurance risks exacerbating anxiety. It subtly reinforces a thought that things really could turn catastrophic. Instead, just the gap.
Breath, generosity even amid physical distancing, finding whole new ways of connecting, opportunities for real conversations.
