fear and the pragmatic path
The dreams I put off. The things we love to take on, yet don't. What gives? “It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear. It’s like being between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. Nothing to hold on to,” writes Marilyn Ferguson.
Much can happen in the in-between. An unknown wilderness. Older parts of our brains think it is in fact a jungle. Dangerous. The real thing. Tigers, snakes, abandonment by the tribe.
We have left that jungle long behind. But, in evolutionary terms, we haven't caught up. We are primed to watch for pouncing lions. Terrified of the unseen. Even if holding on to the status quo is less than serving us. "If we can't tolerate a possible consequence, remote though it may be, we steer clear of planting its seeds," Warren Buffett points out.
Anxiety then. As soon as I even think about change. But would I admit my resistance? No! A million excuses. Stories. Better to wait with that next adventure until. Can't go for it now, because. Blaming personality, as if who I am is fixed. Blaming circumstance. Past painful experiences. Self-sabotage. Anything to stay stuck.
We don't have to live this way. Happiness is a choice. I can choose courage. Choose change. Choose action. Feel ease. Excitement even? Sure. We can choose a narrative for love. Go forward despite fear.
Thing is: We are built for happiness. We can own our happiness. Our challenge is to trust it, then go for small, brave steps. Plant some seeds. This too is evolution.
How to go forward, specifics? One method, especially for big happiness decisions, is Stoic 'fear-setting,'as outlined below. (The great thing you have been putting off: Yes, pick that one!)
Says Hafiz: “Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.”
The tool:
Tim Ferriss has written a lot about the fear-setting approach, which the Greek Stoics embraced in what they called premeditating on evil. Ferriss designed an exercise that serves you best if you actually write down your answers, no editing. Below follows a version adapted from his work Tools of Titans.
What are you putting off that you say you really want, because something in you is terribly afraid?
Write down exactly how you have decided on your worst nightmare if you say yes to this change in your life: What does it look like? What all will happen? Give details. Would it be the end of your life?
How likely is this going to happen?
What happened when you wrote the worst down? Now: How would you get back on track? What steps could you take to get back on your feet? Suppose the worst does happen, how temporary or permanent is its impact on a scale of 1 to 10?
Imagine now the best that could happen if you say yes. Suppose the best does happen, how temporary or permanent is this impact on a scale of 1 to 10?
How likely is it that you could produce at least a moderately good outcome? What are some steps you could take to enhance this likelihood?
What are you learning so far? What are you discovering? What is the benefit at this point of sticking with non-action?
What is the cost of not taking action in favor of change? Where will you be three years from now because of inaction?
What are you waiting for?
How will you practice like a Stoic this week? What dream your inner rebel want you to lean into just a bit more? And what is one step you can take now toward it?
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