circle of influence
Some amid us are ending week one of a 21-day endeavor to reduce our complaining. With a big thank you to all of you brave endeavorists in co-creating magical discovery, below a few thoughts to capture some of this.
One important distinction surfaced right away. The things we can control. The things we can't. In the former we can choose to create a different experience. No reason to complain. In the latter, complaining is futile.
We all care about myriad things. We live in a hyperconnected world, aware of what's going on. We have a human desire to be liked by others. We feel we have reputations to uphold. What's in our control? Little. The weather, traffic, tragedies, what other people say, think or do, even our own bodies that may just get up and die — we have no say.
And yet. One single shift in the way that I view my life can give me peace. One single idea or action of ours might have a positive impact on thousands.
Because within our "wide circle of concern" are things that we can influence. Things to which we are able to respond. We can choose how we relate to our thoughts and judgments. We can choose who to be in this world. We can choose to understand the source of our emotions, harness their wild energy. We can choose our language and conversations. Choose to lean in. And, sometimes, lean out. We have that spaciousness available.
"Do not seek to have everything that happens as you wish, but wish for everything to happen as it actually does happen, and your life will be serene," wrote Epictetus.
No one chooses to be unhappy, stressed, angry, anxious, resentful. No one wants to be a complainer. But what if dissatisfactions are mere products of judgment? Judgments that constantly tells me that things are not good enough?
Forget it! Find one small step into your certainty. Letting go of any and all expectation that anything should be different is a great way to start. Dancing within your circles of control. The story of your thoughts, the place of peace beyond, the words you choose, the kindness you share.
"Where attention goes, neural firing flows and neural connection grows," says Dr. Dan Siegel, the author of Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence.
Focus then. Taking small consistent steps in your circle. Loving what is, choices for love.
What expectation are you willing to drop this week? What shows up in its place? Share with me. I will respond.
And for the research:
Stop anxiety by adjusting expectations is an older article that simplifies the brain chemistry of attention and neural firing. Dan Siegel's book referred to above goes in-depth, and it's one of my favorite books. However, about half of it focuses on a specific meditation practice that may or may not resonate with you.
Thanks as always for choosing to read this email: I do not take it lightly. And so my intent is for these writings to serve as a compass (for all of us) to wake up, wisen up, show up. A mix of resources, links to articles, and quotess, a question to lean into, an invitation or an announcement exclusive for you as reader. It's an ongoing experiment: Your thoughts are welcome.Together we soar wider, and grow our impact for good 10x. With gratitude, sophia
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